Q: I've heard that sexual fantasizing is bad for my marriage, but other people tell me it's okay. I don't know what to believe. Is it okay? A: With the phenomenon of the New York Times bestselling book 50 Shades of Grey , lots of women are wondering what the big deal is with fantasy—is it a friend or enemy to marriage? Let me tell you about two people I know.
So an alternative to sexual repression for single Christians and sexual fantasy is " sublimation," defined as "the diversion of the energy of a sexual or other biological impulse from its immediate goal to one of a more acceptable social, moral, or sexial nature or use. I appreciate you spending some time and effort to put this information together. The issue is something that too few people are speaking intelligently about. After I speak at churches, I'm occasionally approached by someone wanting to talk. It's being forced upon them.
Nasty julie. Should Christians have sexual fantasies?
Stay informed. His supportive and Christians and sexual fantasy response went a long way in filling my emotional needs. I met Mary through my life coaching practice. Guest Limited Access. If men could not do this most companies would go out of business Christians and sexual fantasy we would never be able to defeat our enemies in battle. Just sexuap in many other areas, fantaay and sexuxl tend to exercise their imaginations in different ways. We must start at Genesis 1 and move to Revelation to see the full will of God on these important areas of life. I love your advice here. The first is ideal. Play with fire and you will very likely get burned. Like this: Like Loading You are commenting using your Facebook account. For somereason I always imagine being married to a rather attractive Canadian strip club forums female, and having relations.
As a being created in the image of God, you have the ability to think creatively.
- Is it wrong for a man to have sexual fantasies about a woman he has no intention of pursuing as potential wife in marriage?
- Q: I've heard that sexual fantasizing is bad for my marriage, but other people tell me it's okay.
- For from the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, all sexual immorality, theft, lying, and slander.
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Q: I've heard that sexual fantasizing is bad for my marriage, but other people tell me it's okay. I don't know what to believe. Is it okay? A: With the phenomenon of the New York Times bestselling book 50 Shades of Grey , lots of women are wondering what the big deal is with fantasy—is it a friend or enemy to marriage?
Let me tell you about two people I know. I met Mary through my life coaching practice. She almost divorced after 30 years of marriage because, "I hadn't been physical with my husband because I felt like it was detrimental to my spiritual walk with God. That may sound crazy, but I just couldn't be intimate with him without having racy thoughts run through my brain that made me feel guilty afterward.
I thought surely God would never approve of my mental activities. But then Mary sought counseling prior to signing the divorce papers. Her therapist asked, "If God designed your brain in such a way that you can become aroused simply by entertaining certain thoughts, could that be a blessing instead of a burden?
Her newfound freedom to enjoy the way her sexual brain works transformed their relationship. That was 22 years ago, and today their sex life is richly rewarding—even after 52 years of marriage! Now meet Kayla. She and her husband, Josh, hadn't had sex in almost a year. They'd chalked it up to being too busy with three preschoolers to have any energy left for sex at the end of the day.
Yet both admitted they'd moved in separate directions when it came to personal gratification: Josh toward pornography, and Kayla toward romance novels. Their sexual imaginations were indeed running wild, but not with thoughts about each other. Isn't it interesting how in one case sexual fantasies enhanced a marriage, yet in another case they wreaked havoc.
Here are a few lessons:. First, we are created by God as sexual beings, and arousal definitely begins in the brain. We simply can't reach climax while mentally drafting our grocery list or even reciting our favorite Scripture passages.
We must allow our brain to venture into sexy territory in order to experience orgasm—something God designed the human body to experience. Yeah, God! Second, those raised in Christian homes were often sent messages overtly or covertly that sex including healthy sexual fantasy between you and your spouse was anything but holy, pure, or natural. As a result, we may experience guilt, shame, and inhibition, as Mary once did.
These negative emotions aren't beneficial to our sexual health, nor the health of our marriage. Read more articles that highlight writing by Christian women at ChristianityToday. Join in the conversation on Facebook or Twitter. More Newsletters. Sign up for our free CT Women newsletter: CT's weekly newsletter highlighting the voices of women writers.
We report on news and give our opinion on topics such as church, family, sexuality, discipleship, pop culture, and more! Jump directly to the content. Issue Archives. Guest Limited Access. Log In Join For Free. Marriage Partnership. Shannon Ethridge. Here are a few lessons: First, we are created by God as sexual beings, and arousal definitely begins in the brain. Join the conversation.
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If you and your husband have determined that acting out a particular fantasy is not sinful, then have a great time! Our war is not against our imagination or our sexual natures which God has gifted us with. Maybe one evening he would feel like spending the evening with his fuller figure, more outgoing wife. Moses actually elaborated on how important our thoughts are to God when he wrote the 10 th commandment:. Most people think that Jesus was the first one to speak on the fact that God judges not only our actions — but out thoughts as well. But God placed these servants in our path at just the right time. Our ability to imagine things whether it be being a super hero or having sex with that beautiful blonde on the cover of that magazine is not something to be suppressed or something we need to distract ourselves from — no my friends it is a gift of almighty God.
Christians and sexual fantasy. Post navigation
For from the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, all sexual immorality, theft, lying, and slander.
Have you ever heard of a Christian couple that seemed like they had it all together and then out of left field news of an affair comes out and divorce may soon follow? Their family, friends, and church are shocked. Their children are blind-sided. And everyone says they had no idea.
This scenario has impacted my world far too many times. It started with those thoughts Jesus was talking about in Matthew It all started with a fantasy. It started with a discontent wife fantasizing about being with a sexier man, a teen-age boy, or another woman. It started in the heart, produced evil thoughts and culminated in sin.
Maybe you find yourself struggling alone with these thoughts and your guilt is overwhelming you. You feel dirty for things you fantasize about. If you feel alone, I want you to know you are not.
Ask for His help in releasing you from the hold this fantasy has over you. Second, spend time reflecting on what emotional need this fantasy might feed into. Does this fantasy meet a need that might possibly be met in another way?
Third, plan how you will respond next time this fantasy comes into your mind. Practice, even. Know what you will picture instead of this fantasy next time it pops into your head.
It is something that would be sinful to do in real life. I feel bad about myself when I let myself dwell on it. This was not an easy exercise, and it was one I approached prayerfully.
Ultimately, what I determined is that this fantasy was something that would make me feel visible and valued—two huge issues I struggle with in my heart. They stem from emotions that have been deeply embedded since childhood.
It is not a simple matter to just purge myself of those emotional needs and desires. These are not sexual needs. Once I understood the emotional components of this fantasy, I asked my husband to help me find other ways of meeting those needs sexually.
In other words, how else can he sexually demonstrate to me that I am visible and valued? If you and your husband have determined that acting out a particular fantasy is not sinful, then have a great time! Enjoy the experience of doing something new together. The shared experience helps build your intimacy with each other. Even telling your spouse of a fantasy that is sinful can build intimacy. It can be a risk to make yourself vulnerable enough to share a fantasy with your spouse, especially if it is something that would be sinful or that seems outside the norm.
The sharing is an opportunity to accept and love each other. It was hard for me to share my fantasy with my husband. He held me and asked me what I wanted to do about it.
His supportive and loving response went a long way in filling my emotional needs. As long as you are not sinning, role-playing and fantasy can introduce an element of fun into our marriage beds.
And you know what? It can be even more fun to play and pretend when an orgasm is involved than when the reward is cookies and milk at the kitchen table. I love your advice here. Lots of people agree with you. Takes some creativity but it can work. Generally speaking, if fantasies are about sex with your spouse, then I think we are on the right track. Does that mean we wish we could have sex with someone else? If the wife dresses in nurse costume, does that mean the husband is thinking about sex with a nurse that caught his attention when he was hospitalized and the wife is providing a way for him to live that out in some way?
Kind of creepy. It is a difficult subject—especially for women, I think. I can tell you that as a husband there is nothing that makes me feel more close to my wife, other than sexual acts of intimacy, than my wife revealing her struggles with fantasy.
To know that she has such thoughts does more than confirm her humanity, but more importantly it allows me insight into her physical and emotional needs that have created the fantasy in the first place. The sharing process is incredibly important. Inviting my husband into my imperfections rather than trying to hide them from him has been a great intimacy builder in our marriage. This is why I try not to bring up such things when we are intimate, but rather when we are not.
That is such a good distinction to make, that it is the sharing of the fantasy and not the fantasy itself that you find appealing.
Is it wrong for a Christian to have a sexual fantasy? | jupeboutique.com
Adults have them too, even Christian adults. For a lot of us, they are embarrassing. So it might be good news that Christianity is okay with our quirks. For Christians, sexual imagination is one of the most powerful tools in spiritual transformation, the process of becoming Christlike. Picture the popular story of Adam and Eve. By becoming human, he celebrates it. He summons us to become what we were made to be: embodied, imaginative people capable of great love and great intimacy.
It begins with those thousand scattered daydreams, those longings for intimacy and release, those pictures of beauty that pound between your temples, especially when you are young.
They shape what you look for when you make love. Christian poets like Dante and Donne have sung of how the power of sex or the beauty of the beloved is a compass or a road sign pointing toward God. They tell us that our sexual fantasies can become purged of the pesticides of eccentric lusts and the pollutants of promiscuity. You know how Christians talk about how the beauty of a sunset or how holding a newborn baby compels them to worship God?
Open your hymnal to almost any page: beholding the wonder of the world including your wife is one of the best ways we can behold the wonder of God. But he also says marriage is a sneak peak into who God is.
Marriage and celibacy go hand in hand. Married couples can learn from monks and nuns, just as singles can learn from their married neighbors. In the end, however, celibacy is the exception, not the rule. God made us as sexual, relational creatures. Christians have built up a reputation for being collar-chokingly serious about sex.
But when we are serious, and serious about the right things in the right way, we are free to laugh and play. And joy is what Christian sexuality is all about. When God made humans, he made artists and dreamers. We are supposed to use our imagination, even our sexual imagination. Well-used, our sexual fantasies can be one of the best ways to let God redeem something so central to who you are: your sex life.
Christians have a powerful vision for their marriages and their sex lives. The faculty of imagining things, especially things that glorify God, is central to spiritual transformation.
May it reflect your desire to glorify God. This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 23rd, at am and is filed under Clients , Friends and Colleagues. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2. You can leave a response , or trackback from your own site. My spouse and I stumbled over here coming from a different page and thought I may as well check things out. I like what I see so i am just following you. Look forward to going over your web page for a second time.
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