Verified by Psychology Today. Married and Still Doing It. Over my career as a sex therapist, I have had the opportunity to sit with thousands of men as they've discussed their sexual feelings, sex lives, and fantasies. Men have massive amounts of testosterone coursing through their bodies, pushing and driving them toward sexual expression. Erections spring at the slightest provocation in young men.
Again, sounds like you're just modeling a relationship on the stereotypical "college hookup" or "friends with Do guys think about sex arrangement. The message that I hear from our data is that people are quite different from one another in terms of their frequency of thoughts about sex. Drawing a distinction between the sexes. I'm not excusing men - I'm celebrating them! I am further willing to gjys that it makes your wife feel pretty crappy to know that you're looking at other naked women, many of whom are going to look more conventionally "hot" than she Birching teen girls or feels that she looks. Researchers sought to find that out in a recent study that looked at how many times men - and women - thought about sex in a typical day. Also, I create world peace.
Dates sex and the city aired. When sex is love
Because there was so much variation, it makes most sense Do guys think about sex talk about the median scores 50 th percentilebecause medians are less influenced by extreme scores. A new study showed the brain's response to pornography is different than drugs. It goes like this, on average when a guy is normal, young and around attractive women, and hasn't had sex in Stoking tgp last hour, sometimes a shorter period depending on the abouy around and his own sexual energy level, he will think about sex on a more or less constant basis. So, although we can confidently dismiss the story that the average male thinks about sex every seven seconds, we can't know with much certainty what the true frequency actually is. A new article reviews what we know about people who are "mostly heterosexual. Close View image. If I think of an attractive woman whether that is image or audio then I cannot control my reactions. Men who focus on a woman's pleasure read: enjoy giving oral sex are few and far between, but I myself happen to yhink one of these rare ones note how every male client I have met thinks this. However, the big confounding factor with this study is "ironic processes", more commonly known as the " white bear problem ". Terri D. Re: Jeff Submitted by mike on January 2, - pm. College students are a good sample to use when attempting to address previous findings, however, because so much sex research has been done with this population. The Do guys think about sex men in this sample were agout about sex once or twice an hour, and statistically no more and no less than they were thinking about eating or sleeping.
As a couples therapist, I see quite a great deal of miscommunication about sex between partners.
- Quick: What are you thinking about right now?
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- Sexiness is all about the nuance of your being.
Verified by Psychology Today. The Sexual Continuum. Recently there has been a lot of attention in the media about a new study on frequency of sexual thoughts among men and women. I thought it would be informative to hear directly from the scientist who led the study describing in her own words the findings and their interpretation. This blog entry is by the lead author of this study, Dr. Terri D.
Most people have heard the popular claim that men think about sex every seven seconds around 8, times a day! The frequency of sexual thoughts has been studied in the past, but every study except for one has relied on self-report after the fact quick—how many times a day do you think about sex?
People aren't very good at assessing information like that, and their reports are likely to be influenced by what they have heard in the past about the frequency of sexual thoughts and by expectations for their gender. Even so, the previous research that examined actual numerical frequency has found daily sexual thought frequencies are not even in the double-digits.
In addition, the research has not always consistently revealed gender differences in frequency of sexual thoughts. This is a far cry from what most people and many psychologists believe to be true. A couple of years ago, I was discussing the lack of good research in this area with my Psychology of Human Sexuality students, and indicated that this would be an interesting area in which to do research, if any of them were interested.
Independently, two of my undergraduate students, Zachary Moore and Mary-Jo Pittenger, approached me about the undertaking, so we formed a research team to tackle the problem of studying sexual thoughts. We were primarily concerned with sex differences rather than absolute thought frequency because we were going to be using a college student sample, which is certainly not representative of all adults.
College students are a good sample to use when attempting to address previous findings, however, because so much sex research has been done with this population.
Zach is the one who came up with the idea of using a golf tally counter or "clicker". Tally counters are small, inexpensive, and record one thing at a time. Participants can keep them in their pockets, clipped to their belts, in their bags, or in their hands. We didn't want the participants to know that we were exclusively focused on sexuality, because that may have influenced who chose to participate in the study.
In addition, there are other types of need-based thoughts that people have in the course of the day, and we thought it would be interesting to use the frequency of those thoughts as a comparison for the frequency of sexual thoughts. Therefore, we decided to promote our research to potential participants as a study of college student health. We asked some participants to track their thoughts about sex, others to track their thoughts about food, and still others their thoughts about sleep.
They were told to record the total on their tally counter each night and then reset their tally counter for the next day. Prior to providing our participants with their tally counters, we gave them a series of surveys to complete regarding their attitudes toward sex, food, and sleep.
We also asked them to estimate how many times in a hour period they thought about sex, food, and sleep. We collected data from a total of students between the ages of 18 and 25 who kept track of one type of thought about sex, food, or sleep for a one week period. They were not allowed to tell anybody what type of thoughts they were recording. We added up the seven daily reports for each person and then divided by seven in order to get the average daily thought frequency. It was immediately apparent that both men and women were quite variable in the frequency with which they engaged in sexual thoughts.
The tally counts reported by the men ranged from 1 to The variation for the women was less extreme, but still quite large, ranging from 1 to Because there was so much variation, it makes most sense to talk about the median scores 50 th percentile , because medians are less influenced by extreme scores.
We found that the median number of sexual thoughts for men was In contrast, the average for men was Statistical tests indicated that the number of thoughts about sex was not statistically larger than the number of thoughts about food and sleep. Men had more thoughts about all three of those areas than did women. These findings paint a rather different picture of men than does the urban legend of thinking about sex many times per minute.
The typical men in this sample were thinking about sex once or twice an hour, and statistically no more and no less than they were thinking about eating or sleeping. Even though our research is the best study to date of frequency of sexual thoughts, our research method was rudimentary.
We weren't able to study how long the thoughts lasted or the nature of the thoughts. We also don't know if all of our participants followed the instructions and really clicked every time they had the sort of thought that they were supposed to track. However, even if they didn't, the fact that they were supposed to be clicking probably made them more aware of their thoughts about their assigned topic than they might otherwise have been, and that would have been reflected in their daily reports.
We also told them that we would know if they hadn't reset the clicker every day after they had recorded their daily tally. That wasn't really true, and when the study was over, we told them that wasn't true, but we wanted to do what we could to make sure that the participants did what they were supposed to be doing.
There is some evidence that at least some women were reluctant to report certain types of thoughts. We administered a measure of social desirability, which is the degree to which a person is more concerned about looking good to others rather than telling the truth. Social desirability didn't have any relationship with the recorded frequency of men's thoughts, but women who were higher in social desirability tended to report fewer thoughts about sex and about food.
Women's social desirability scores were not related to their reports of thoughts about sleep, however, perhaps because there are no stereotypes about women and sleep the way there are about women and sex they aren't supposed to think about it as much as men and women and food they aren't supposed to eat it as much as men. Another scale that we administered to the participants measured their degree of comfort with sexuality erotophilia.
Participants with higher erotophilia scores also reported more sexual thoughts. In fact, if you could know only one thing about people in order to best predict how often they think about sex, you would be better off knowing their degree of erotophilia rather than whether they are male or female.
Interestingly, when participants had been asked prior to the start of the study to indicate how many times a day they thought about sex, food, and sleep, the men reported thinking more about sex than did the women, but there were no sex differences for the other two topics. This, of course, is not what we found after the participants actually tracked their thoughts, illustrating the difference between the two methodologies. In addition, the estimated thought frequencies were quite a bit lower than the actual counted frequencies, for all three need-related topics.
Even though this was a study of sex differences, much of the media coverage has focused only on the male findings. The notion that the sex difference is much smaller than people have previously been led to believe has been overlooked.
In addition, much of the media coverage of this study has left out the most interesting and valid aspects of our study and has focused only on the frequency statistics. We never intended our research to be used to draw conclusions about the entire population.
We were interested only in comparing equivalent groups of women and men. The coverage has also confused or conflated the median and mean data, leading to some confusion. Most importantly, very few reports of this study have stressed the degree to which the men were different from one another regarding their frequency of sexual thoughts.
I used to worry that the old notion that men think about sex several times a minute was likely to make men who thought about sex less frequently which would have been all of the men in our study feel somehow as if they weren't the same as other men. If the headlines had to focus only on men, they should have been "college men think about food and sleep as much as they think about sex" or "college men think about sex between 1 and times a day.
The message that I hear from our data is that people are quite different from one another in terms of their frequency of thoughts about sex. Although on average, the men in our study did report more thoughts about sex than did the women, many of the women reported more sexual thoughts than many of the men.
The popular notion is that in the realm of sexuality, men and women are very different from each other. However, there is quite a bit of research to suggest that they are more similar than different, even among college students, who are likely at an age at which gender differences in sexuality are maximized.
We obviously need much more research with individuals past the age of 25, but that is much harder to accomplish. After our college student study was complete, I began a second study using a community sample of adults over the age of It was much harder to obtain that sample, and most of the participants did not follow through with the tally counter portion of the study because they had no real incentive to do so.
Fisher, T. Sex on the brain? An examination of frequency of sexual cognitions as a function of gender, erotophilia, and social desirability. Journal of Sex Research, 29 , Remember a healthy male who actually thinks about sex for anymore than a few seconds will start to get an erection which is not good in polite company!
After reading 'libido's comment I wondered if it is the same as "How often do men think about women. I think the research is all wrong. Counting the number of times in one day is nonsense. The mere fact that the subject of sex is an issue to be counted will encourage the thought itself.
The questions need to be answered in a broader, more retrospective way to give rise to a general curve. I was specifically looking for stats across age groups to help me prove that, whilst a woman's libido rises then falls gradually, in a ladylike fashion -- called growing old gracefully - a man continues to find sex the number one essential in his life.
Only here cos my elderly gentlemen neighbours are shocking me with their appetite. Quote: "Remember a healthy male who actually thinks about sex for anymore than a few seconds will start to get an erection That may be true for healthy male teenagers, but adult men only get unwanted erections in their sleep unless there is some kind of physical stimulation going on. This doesn't mean that adult men can't "will" an erection into existence anymore, but it takes more than just a fleeting thought or the sight of an attractive person walking by.
As a woman, if I see an attractive man or woman, I think about sex for more than a few seconds, and I get distracted by the arousal, so I suppress it. And yay you for being "quite sure" that men and women were "not correctly interpreting and tallying" their sexual urges. Heaven forbid that the researchers both asked them to self measure and then also did controls to evaluate how honest those self-measures were This post has made things a little bit clearer on this subject.
I have always had the notion that men think about sex more than women, and I even found it annoying almost because I know a lot of guys flaunt their sex lives when they should just keep it to themselves. I also find it to be really cool that they came up with the golf clicker idea. It's very innovative and cheap. Are the results accurate? Probably not. But, I do believe it gives decent figures and somewhere to start in a difficult topic to research. Most men would disagree with how many times they think about sex until I walk them through a mall, gym or theater lobby.
While men do fantisize about having sex without external stimulation, they think about it every time they see a potential mate. Take a man through an all female yoga class and his clicker would be clacking away.
Do bad boys think about sex more than the white collars? We need a lot of different factors to come together to have a truly perfect sexual experience, and most of the time these things have very little to do with how you look or how your body feels. The frequency of sexual thoughts has been studied in the past, but every study except for one has relied on self-report after the fact quick—how many times a day do you think about sex? Interesting article, Brian. This does not mean that women do not want to enjoy sex; but, they have to feel that their partner is enjoying it at least primarily because he finds her so attractive sexually that he feels urgent desire for her. If you want to have cruel fun with a child tell them to put their hand in their air and only put it down when they've stopped thinking about a white bear.
Do guys think about sex. Post Comment
This is consistent with what I said before, that women like when men urgently desire them. If you last forever, how urgent is your desire? Not very. Of course, if premature ejaculation within a minute or less is an issue, this can be helped with sex therapy or techniques you can practice yourself. Also, I should engage in a lot of foreplay, all the time, because women want this.
Some do, and others prefer to just start having sex pretty soon into the encounter. For many women, having sex is what gets them into the mood to have more sex. Additionally, if your wife thinks you'll be disrupted in the middle of sex e.
Moral of the story: Don't assume your wife wants a long, drawn out sexual experience every time. Ask her, or see how she responds to something more, say, to the point. If you didn't know this already, this statistic will change your worldview. So your wife is not weird or not in touch with her sexual side. She's just your run-of-the-mill non-intercourse-orgasming woman.
I call BS on that one, friend. I just told you about the whole monogamy and age and babies leads to decreased libido in the majority of females.
If you had married that hot young thing, she would be a less hot, less young thing who wants to sit around and watch TV at night too. You know it's true if you think about it rationally. My wife makes up excuses not to have sex, and other women just go with the flow and are happy to feel desired. If by reasonably quickly, you mean, after the last baby is 5 years old and sleeps through the night.
And also if by that point they've gotten back to working out, eating right, sleeping well and feeling good about who they are as a person and not just as a mommy. In that case, yes, pretty quickly. I beg to differ. Yes, it's normal to masturbate and so on and so forth, BUT people have only a limited amount of energy -- mental, physical and sexual. If you're giving the best of yourself to an Internet person, it's not going to your wife.
I am further willing to bet that it makes your wife feel pretty crappy to know that you're looking at other naked women, many of whom are going to look more conventionally "hot" than she looks or feels that she looks. And the more porn men watch, the less likely they are to be satisfied with the physical appearance and sexual appetites and behaviors of their real life partner. See 7 above -- did you ever see a porn movie where the woman didn't get off from intercourse? Of course not, yet this is how the majority of women function.
Anyway, watching porn is the male equivalent of when your wife sees a movie like The Notebook and then she hates you for a couple of days. On top of this, porn can be addictive. So try and limit it. For more on this topic, see the movie "Don Jon. Now, I am in no way saying that women cannot work on being more open to sex and get more in touch with their sexuality within their marriage and alone, for themselves.
However, the purpose of this post was to discuss the vast differences between what many not all! Discussing this post with your spouse is a great way to see whether you two are on the same or different pages about sex. If you'd like some more reading on this topic, try the excellent book Wanting Sex Again by Laurie Watson. For more, visit me at Dr. US Edition U. News U.
Women orgasm from intercourse alone pretty frequently. After the baby, most women get their sex drive back reasonably quickly. Watching porn does nothing to hurt our sex life or relationship. And don't worry, next I'll tackle all the ways many women are wrong about sex. Help us tell more of the stories that matter from voices that too often remain unheard. Join HuffPost Plus. The scientific attempt to measure thoughts is known to psychologists as " experience sampling ".
It involves interrupting people as they go about their daily lives and asking them to record the thoughts they are having right at that moment, in that place.
Terri Fisher and her research team at Ohio State University did this using 'clickers'. They gave these to college students, divided into three groups, and asked them to press and record each time they thought about sex, or food, or sleep. If you were asked to record every time you thought about sex during the day, how many times do you think you would admit to it?
Using this method they found that the average man in their study had 19 thoughts about sex a day. This was more than the women in their study — who had about 10 thoughts a day. However, the men also had more thoughts about food and sleep, suggesting perhaps that men are more prone to indulgent impulses in general. Or they are more likely to decide to count any vague feeling as a thought.
Or some combination of both. The interesting thing about the study was the large variation in number of thoughts. Some people said they thought about sex only once per day, whereas the top respondent recorded clicks , which is a sexual thought about every two minutes.
However, the big confounding factor with this study is "ironic processes", more commonly known as the " white bear problem ". If you want to have cruel fun with a child tell them to put their hand in their air and only put it down when they've stopped thinking about a white bear. Once you start thinking about something, trying to forget it just brings it back to mind. This is exactly the circumstances the participants in Fisher's study found themselves in. They were given a clicker by the researchers and asked to record when they thought about sex or food or sleep.
Imagine them walking away from the psychology department, holding the clicker in their hand, trying hard not to think about sex all the time, yet also trying hard to remember to press the clicker every time they did think about it.
My bet is that the poor man who clicked times was as much a victim of the experimental design as he was of his impulses. Always on my mind Another approach, used by Wilhelm Hoffman and colleagues , involved issuing German adult volunteers with smartphones, which were set to notify them seven times a day at random intervals for a week.
They were asked to record what featured in their most recent thoughts when they received the random alert, the idea being that putting the responsibility for remembering onto a device left participants' minds more free to wander. The results aren't directly comparable to the Fisher study, as the most anyone could record thinking about sex was seven times a day.
But what is clear is that people thought about it far less often than the seven-second myth suggests. The real shock from Hoffman's study is the relative unimportance of sex in the participants' thoughts.
People said they thought more about food, sleep, personal hygiene, social contact, time off, and until about 5pm coffee.
How Often Do Men and Women Think About Sex? | Psychology Today
Verified by Psychology Today. Married and Still Doing It. Over my career as a sex therapist, I have had the opportunity to sit with thousands of men as they've discussed their sexual feelings, sex lives, and fantasies. Men have massive amounts of testosterone coursing through their bodies, pushing and driving them toward sexual expression.
Erections spring at the slightest provocation in young men. And for an adult man, seeing his wife or partner coming out of the shower naked causes his body to react. Yes, he wants to be full. His mind is captivated by the thought of an opportunity to feel delighted and surprised.
A day is hardly complete without dessert. Yet, the context of the relationship — for instance, a fight with his wife — can still spoil his appetite. He pushes through daily monotony, tantalized by the fantasy of a sexual reward at the end of a hard day. Since orgasm is usually reliable and easy, a variety of sexual acts, positions, and rhythms seem to be a fantastic way to explore and elevate his gratification. Every flirtation , smile, innuendo, shapely figure, or sexual image, whether fantasized or real, is a hit on the male brain.
His brainwaves spike with elation just at the hint of something or someone reminding him of sex. The moment his partner gets turned on is often the moment men describe as most sexually satisfying. In their hearts, there is an expectation of mutual, exquisite bodily pleasure. He often concocts and fantasizes about how to make it better for her, begging for information about her erotic desires, just so he can improve as a lover. Sexual release makes men feel like they are finally home.
Making love literally creates a deep feeling of attachment to his partner and spurs relational generosity , faith, and optimism. Being desired by his partner can be the single most reassuring part of his relationship.
While most women may wish for an emotional connection before having a physical connection, for men sexual connection is often necessary to feel safe enough for emotional vulnerability. Are you trying to accomplish confusion and outrage? I am a woman and felt the article was describing me.
Me, a responsible and passionate lover, knowing my social bounderies and comfortable and confident with my social conversations involving adult conversations, sexual jokes and inuendos that too get me excited or spark interest of listening and participating in the conversation without acting anything out or pursuing or step further desiring the person I was talking with.
That would be erratic and irresponsible behavior. Why are we always excusing men for "men behavior"? These articles defending male sexual tendencies and insinuating women don't feel or are effected like men is absolutely ridiculous!
I'm sorry you and a few other women you know don't get excited about sex perhaps it's a generation thing for submitting to men and their ideas but you need to open your mind and receive more information before you post an article and defend men for their lack of ownership of love and respect and throw women to the side like we don't experience the same.
Men are not wild animals! Are you trying to mentally abuse women? Are you trying to separate the sexes? Are you trying to wipe out humanity? This article has done nothing but confuse me and question some who could be in power positions to really make a difference. Seriously, think, pull your heads out! I feel very sad for any PT-compliant woman that isn't enticed even a little bit by their man emerging naked from a shower.
Hard to put everything into words If I recall Didn't someone just get fired for doing just that about women! Drawing a distinction between the sexes. Read Lee Jussim's post on the new McCathyism Maybe his theory on stereotypes is correct.
This post perpetuates that theory. Always difficult to say anything about a group of anybody as there are individuals with lots of exceptions. I saw that in the news too. Perhaps bad timing on this article! My response my have been affected by recently reading Lee Jussim's post and the preceding comments from Elizabeth.
As a man who realizes that his most powerful sex organ is not between my legs, but between my ears, I get put off by post that portray men as knuckle draggers.
And yes, there is a double standard As Elizabeth expressed, " I am a woman and felt the article was describing me. Making love literally creates a deep feeling of attachment to his partner and spurs relational generosity, faith, and optimism. Being desired by his partner can be the single most reassuring part of his relationship" is referring to a "knuckle dragger"? I am far more interested in the psychological foreplay which begins after the last orgasm, as E.
Perel says. We're not talking only about newlyweds here. Among the middle-aged couples I know, merely emerging from a shower is hardly sufficient to produce much "enticement". Some of my male friends would be lucky to have even flowers and a romantic dinner produce any enticement. Not sure about "wild," but the simple FACT is that both men and women are animals human apes.
And as animals, we have instincts. And modern science is no longer at the dichotomous nature versus nurture e. Current understanding is that nature influences nurture and nurture influences nature. So, my opinion is that it is most helpful for us to understand our instincts so that we can deal with them in a way that is acceptable to us and acceptable within society to a degree of our choosing.
Also, to remind everyone of what I hope is obvious, no individual is "normal. The author of this piece was talking about the average male human. Please note I specifically chose that terminology because 1 that is how biologists such as Jane Goodall refer to the apes they study, and 2 I have found that many women object to being described as "females.
So, while people like Jane Goodall do describe behaviors of individual apes, they also provide insights into "typical" male - female ape interactions.
Each individual they observe will be unique, and some will even have some behavior s quite different than "normal" or typical e. While reading about this or watching some documentary I certainly don't think of these individuals as "bad" or "freaks. So, from my point of view, it is certainly acceptable - and useful - for Ms. Watson to describe an average way the human males she has observed feel about sex.
We the readers just need to keep in mind all the things a reader of scientific literature would, including 1 what was the sample size and how might her sample differ from the 7. As a young man I feel the testastorne coursing through my body at the mention of sex, at the brief glance at a women. I'm not justifying cheating that's exactly why I'm on this website currently. But where different in your comment you made it seem like you know what it's like to have those feelings that blackness in your brain that hunger she called it..
This was a blog about men's sexuality which quite honestly is very refreshing because there is very little information out there. Men's wants and needs have been put on the back burner for several decades now. So piss off! Okay, guess what--? Women's wants and needs have been on the back burner since the dawn of humankind.
Too bad the men don't like it--they've got a few millennia left to go!!! It's our turn!! Women denigrate each other if it becomes known that a specific woman actually likes and wants sex. They will call her a slut and other derogatory terms to keep her in line and not put other women in a place they don't want to be with their men. Women don't tell men what they like in an open and honest manner.
They don't tell men when they want sex. They are more likely to refuse to have sex than to accept, and sex is the last priority of women.
Everything else is more important no matter how mundane. Women too can feel desire and often as young women feel it in their bodies. I'm not excusing men - I'm celebrating them! No new info, but exquisitely expressed, Laurie, thanks! For the choir men , that is. I can't imagine a single warm-blooded man that won't enjoy your writing, going "Yes!
This is exactly how I feel! But I guess you very well know that the level of confusion your writeup is causing some women readers is at the heart of much inter-gender dysfunction today. Dude we all relate to what she described not just men, that's the point hahahaha. You're not a special manly snowflake.
This is what sex drive feels like. In the woman's one they just described what not having a high sex drive is like. I showed it to my male roommate and we both agreed both articles are both of us. I am not going yes thats how i fell ya some guys who are outliers might do that but the decent ones will find it offensive.