It's official: I am at the stage in my life where I am randy as hell 24 hours a day. The innocent molecules of air brushing up against my body can turn me on, creating an electromagnetic storm even when I am standing still. The supercharged air currents in my private atmosphere begin to vibrate and caress my skin, giving me instant goose bumps. Then my imagination kicks in and my nipples become "eraser tip" erect and I feel my wetness as I begin to drip. Do people even notice my highly flushed post-orgasm skin?
I was just plain blown away. My private facebook Group is hopping! Steve passed away in at the age of Comments We encourage all readers to share their views on our articles and blog posts. My reluctance was quickly countered by his sheer delight. Finally, one day I found it -- it was right there all along! I would say yes…, it is normal behavior for here.
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My husband had come out from the bedroom to find the boyfriend masturbating in the living on the couch, watching porn on his cell phone. This is a 6 year old. Edit: I do, however, agree that she should always frnt under a blanket if masturbating while a adughter member is there. Message the moderators to have the post or comment approved skip to this step if the removal was in error. How to deal with GFs daughter [openly masturbating]? There's a middle-ground where all can have their dignity, privacy, and self-respect. She's a fucking 12 year old, dude. They may be a bit isolated The twins we at it again not learn off their mates or family or school. You were in many ways a victim of sexual Masturbation in front of daughter I wouldn't say that. The scene: Adams' very pregnant character masturbates in bed while looking at a photo of her husband. Her dauguter are not sexually motivated, they're a Masturbation in front of daughter of extreme discomfort. I was only 13, I think I deserve a little slack.
Okay, I admit it.
- Guest over a year ago.
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- A confession is a statement acknowledging some personal fact that you would ostensibly prefer to keep hidden.
Okay, I admit it. I would rather touch myself in front of the Pope than talk openly about masturbation. As a new parent, I shared their point of view that it was embarrassing behavior, but ours was a household far too enlightened and child-centered to use negative reinforcement in an attempt to end an act of healthy self-discovery. My concern may have been based on my own sexist assumptions about such behavior. From the beginning, I was determined to raise my daughter with the girls-can-do-anything-boys-can-do approach.
In my conversations with moms of little boys, it was all about the pointing, prodding and pulling — starting at a very early age. During a routine pediatrician visit, I worked up the courage to broach the subject. I saw right away that I had provided our doctor with a ray of sunshine in an otherwise dull day full of vaccinations and strep cultures.
My reluctance was quickly countered by his sheer delight. And how would I know? I had no suspicion of anything sinister. There was no question of possible abuse, a worry often associated, among other symptoms, with excessive self-stimulation in children. Instead, I worried whether this was normal behavior for a child so young. Later, normal developmental milestones aside, as my daughter grew into a 2-, 3- then 5-year-old, my worry vanished and I was just left with acute social embarrassment.
In my own reading, I discovered that, like all other aspects of human sexuality, the thinking on this particular activity has changed with each generation. All the name-brand pediatricians, from Spock to Sears to Brazelton, reinforce the idea that children will engage in self-exploration, and will derive pleasure from such activity.
They all agree that masturbation is safe, healthy and commonly practiced by infants, children and adolescents. All of the modern literature on this subject reinforces the sensible and humane idea that shame and ridicule must be avoided when it comes to dealing with such displays on the part of children. Progress is also evident on the religious side.
Even the out spoken and influential Christian Conservative James Dobson addresses the topic of masturbation on his web site, family. And really impressive sharing. I left the appointment confident that I had the smartest little kid in his practice. As the girls grew into walking, talking creatures with the capacity for at least some amount of reason, the concept of public and private seemed to sink in — and there were less awkward moments in front of family and friends.
I think in spite of my routine humiliation, my kids were given the latitude and limitations they needed to develop a healthy regard for their own bodies. A few months ago when I stepped into my office, I found my five-year-old engaged in an intimate act with a wooden office chair she barely knew. But more so, I was really irked that — by making it a point to claim her own space — she obviously thought I was entering my office to do the same thing.
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It depends on the audience. An adult watching a child masturbate seems like it's some sort of crime. You are harboring self blame for something that was out of your control. Reply Parent Thread Link. There is nothing wrong with learning boundaries and setting them, especially in your own home.
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Don't be too concerned. Reply Parent Thread Link. It's not too young at all. Many kids -- boys or girls -- start masturbating when they're tiny I'm talking three or younger. At this age it makes complete sense that she'd be masturbating, and the shower is a natural place to do it. And no, it won't lead to her having sex too early. She's going to have sexual feelings whether or not she masturbates; she might as well get some low-risk fun out of them.
I've been masturbating regularly before bed time for as long as I can remember which is from about 2 years old. Masturbation is a safe way to release sexual tension. I was around 5 years old when I first started. Come to find out, many of my female friends began around that age as well, which was surprising because I thought I was so young! At that age, it wasn't really a sexual thing.. It became a sexual thing when I hit high school but even then I was not interested in having sex.
I was 18 when I lost my virginity, which I believe is an appropriate age. So, I don't think masturbation is really a gateway to anything. She's lucky to have such a good dad! Maybe you could turn some music on to avoid hearing anything? Or even put a radio in the bathroom and encourage her to use it? I bought an iPod doc radio just for the bathroom. We live in a square foot house. I'm not trying to snoop. This house just isn't that big. I am under the impression that guys such as myself usually discover their little friends in their mid teens.
Girls discover theirs earlier? I am unaware. At 12 are you just shaking up the bottle, or does the cork actually pop?
Reply Parent Thread Expand Link. Re: Cool - ladyelysium - Expand. Re: Cool - pyraterose - Expand. Re: Cool - natyanayaki - Expand. Re: Cool - celticmoni - Expand. Re: Cool - lupinelullaby - Expand. Re: Cool - morningapproach - Expand. I do think though it's a good idea to make sure communication is open, I'm not at all suggesting that you discuss this specifically, but just make sure she is educated, that she knows she can be open with you.
The best way to make sure a girl isn't engaging in sex too soon, that she isn't pressured into sex, is to give her knowledge, resources, and confidence and the knowledge that she has someone with whom she can have open and frank conversations.
Joining the choir that 12 isn't too young, especially considering most toddlers will masturbate without really knowing it - just that it feels "nice". I may have been 12 or younger when I started, and I also abstained from partnered activities and dating until I was I don't think there's much, if any correlation between masturbation and sex at an early age. Better to be able to ease any sexual frustration on your own, imo.
I think it's great that you are accepting and don't want her to have body shame. I do want to add a point that others haven't mentioned I know it seems obvious, but to some, it isn't I sat next to a girl in eighth grade who regularly masturbated in class and no one said or did anything about it.
Not her parents or teachers Eventually I just said "listen, it is fine to touch yourself at home but please stop doing it in class" likely with a lot less tact, because, y'know, And yeah, 12 is a totally normal, average age. I do find that those with clitorises tend to "discover" them before those with penises discover theirs. That sounds totally normal to me.
I personally love Laci Green for all things sex ed. Some people masturbate as toddlers and some never do. Some people who masturbate assosciate it with other sexual thoughts or feelings while some people just like the way it feels.
I don't know of any correlation with the age people start to have any sexual thoughts or masturbate and the age they have sexual relationships or intercourse with other people. Some people who masturbate never have sexual relations with other people, although this isn't very common.
If you are looking for resources and your daughter likes to read, I wanted to recommend a book that addresses puberty, body changes, feelings and related topics for middle schoolers: "What's Happening to my Body?
Book For Girls. Harris is another good one. I was messing around down there from the age of 3 or I didn't know anything except that it felt good. Once I did know what it was I kept doing it, though. I was a virgin until 19 and the only man I ever slept with was my now husband. Think of it this way--if she can "take care of business" herself, she likely won't need someone else to do it for her for awhile?
Same thing here, I started masturbating when I was very young so young I can't remember how old I was when I first "discovered" that it felt good.
I also never did date until I was 20 and did not engage in sexual activity of any kind until I was I Also agree with the "taking care of business" herself.. I mean if anything it's easier and more convenient to get off on my own than messing around with some guy who may or may not know what he's is doing. Don't worry about her age -- some kids are "early" in that regard, and some will be "late.
If anything, knowing what she likes may make her less likely to seek out partners -- why deal with boys who can be jerks very easily at that age; my kid is appalled by them when she just needs some alone-time? I would suggest that if you haven't had the "Where Babies Come From" talk, that you might want to have it reasonably soon -- and keep your poker-face going a bit longer, so you can add in, "There are some people who want to start doing things early, but that can get really complicated, and there are health considerations.
It can be really hard to figure out things emotionally, and some people will be pushy about your boundaries, and it's generally a good idea to just take care of yourself till you're older and are more able to know what your boundaries are, and feel firmer about making it clear you've got 'em. I'd also suggest getting her a hand-held showerhead, and a shower-stool, "for when she might want to start shaving her legs. Good point, and often PiV sex might not seem interesting to someone.
Might be time for the talk too. Scratching a hemorrhoid is just scratching an itch, but it's still not something you do in public. Adults understand this, and as adults, it is our responsibility to teach them about this kind of stuff. Maybe, or maybe not. Remember, we don't know the full extent of their relationship, and there's a chance OP might not either.
We do not know for sure what steps she may or may not have taken, therefore I feel there is a lack of data to draw this conclusion. I think there's a significant problem in that we don't know how everyone got to the point they're at now. Maybe the point that she shouldn't be doing it in front of others get relaxed at home so that she doesn't have to feel ostracized when she's in her own home.
I assume at school she's going to the bathroom or the nurse and if her peers don't know why she's going yet they're going to figure it out sooner or later. Imagine needing to leave class to ahem go to the bathroom up to three times in an hour? Or during other social functions like seeing family? For all we know, home is the safe space where she doesn't need to do this.
Again, focus on OP's point that this is mechanical for her, not sexual. I think a little thing like not needing to ask for a movie to be paused four times so she can relieve herself could be really, really important.
Tell her everything except for the part about it is turning you on. Most mothers upon knowing that a guy is sexually interested in their children will auto-dump the guy for good reason! This does happen with actual hemorrhoids though. People with bowel and bladder frequency or heavy menstruation face this as well. It's very inconvenient but it still has to be dealt with in private. Hell, I get it from my spicy chicken wing addiction. Do I finger my balloon knot in public to relieve the prickly itches?
Fuck no. That's all for me. There's a difference between scratching and masturbating whether its medically indicated or not. If someone had diarrhea, it wouldn't be ok to take a shit in the living room right?
No, and just like shitting, masturbating is done in private, not in front of the whole family. People who have incontinence wear diapers They don't spend hours sitting on a toilet locked in the bathroom because people aren't comfortable with their disability. That's ridiculous. I agree that it isn't right for the girl to be shunned because of her condition. I applaud the mother and OP for being so accepting about this, it's pretty awesome.
That being said I mean, the girl can't be having guests later on in life and masturbating at the dinner table, can she? We are social creatures with social taboos, and that would be a quick path to ostracization, I should think. To be clear, I had no idea this disease even existed until this post. I don't know if gets better in adulthood or anything like that, so maybe my comment is meaningless. But I mean, it seems like there needs to be a better solution, no? For the girl's own sake as much as anything else.
It is not a disease. It's a nerve related pain disorder. There are usually underlying conditions or trauma that set it off. And if not treated, it ruins women's lives. This whole thread is totally messed up, but at least some people can be educated about this disorder. Just read over the rest of your comments in this thread. Seems like there's more about that I don't understand than I initially realized. No one is suggesting she be imprisoned, just that she step out for a minute to get herself off instead of rubbing one out on the sofa while the family watches the simpsons.
Yes, this is what I find hard to solve about this. She mentioned watching movies with her. Obviously this will easily kill any fun of watching a movie. Going to the bathroom to masturbate like five times during the movie.
I also don't think it can be compared to "masturbating among random groups of people" if this is her own home. It's not like she's pulling down her pants on the street. Anyway, a terrible disorder and I can't begin to think what it'll do to her teenage years.
I've heard about it before and just avoiding the relief can give her spontaneous orgasms like you say. Regardless what she does and when she goes to the bathroom, there'll be many times she just can't, and this will become a part of her life and those around her. I agree, it would be a major pain in the ass for her I have young kids at home. I cannot remember the last time that my wife and I watched an entire movie from start to finish without interruptions.
If we're lucky, we pause it once or twice. If not, it's five or ten times. It's just a fact of life, and while it's not our favorite thing, you pause the movie and deal with the current situation. I think that the same rule should apply here - girl needs to run one off, you pause the movie and let her handle that privately I'm not commenting out of anger or trying to be argumentative, but, the situation isn't the same.
The thing that bothers me the most about replies like yours are the fact that they are comparing the girl's situation to other situations that are not analogous. I will make an analogy also, though I was trying not to: if someone had a disability that required them to be given certain accommodations--such as a wheelchair-bound person needing a ramp instead of stairs--you wouldn't say "She shouldn't inconvenience others by forcing them to build a ramp, she should just find some way to make it up the stairs like everyone else.
That analogy has some problems with it, the two situations aren't exactly alike, and that's why I think analogies should be avoided--because no two situations are ever exactly the same. But it's the closest I could think of. If certain details about the situation in question were different, I might agree. If she had siblings--especially siblings of the opposite gender--then that might be reasonable, not to mention that the girl probably wouldn't want to masturbate in front of her brother or sister.
If the girl didn't know the OP well enough to feel safe or comfortable masturbating in the same room as her, she could choose do do it privately while OP is there. But she shouldn't have to be denied accommodations for her medical condition while she is in her own home, in order to make others comfortable. I know that that statement is one that has limits based on the situation and doesn't apply to every possible permutation but it does apply to this specific situation.
What a lot of people are not addressing is the fact that the OP is not bothered by what the girl is doing, she is bothered by the fact that she is aroused by it.
If OP was a man, and the daughter felt comfortable enough to masturbate in the same room as him, would you be saying that she needed to leave the room because she is arousing him?
A person can't do anything they want in the presence of others just because they are in their own home; they can't make others they live with uncomfortable just because "hey it's my house I can do whatever I want.
She should not be forced to live differently because of a physical condition that she can't control, especially not in the one place where she should be able to feel okay with herself. Sorry for the super long reply, like I said I don't want to fight with you. I just want to offer a perspective that might encourage you and others reading this to reconsider their opinion of the problem.
If you took the time to read it all, I appreciate that, and I am open to a response if you want to discuss it and change my opinion. Maybe there is something you thought of that I didn't. Edit: I do, however, agree that she should always be under a blanket if masturbating while a non-family member is there. Her genitals should not be visible to the OP.
I think that is certainly reasonable and it doesn't inconvenience the girl in any way. Masturbating and orgasming while watching probably also makes her lose concentration on the movie anyway. And just starting to masturbate randomly in the middle of a group of people ISN'T going to be disruptive and damaging?
It's okay. For how positive this subreddit is, I'm surprised at how many of the responses are saying, "she needs to do it privately. She's also still quite young.
If she's made to go to her room or some other private place to take care of it privately, she's going to start feeling embarrassed about it. I don't care how much her mother assures her it's nothing to be ashamed of. She's It's incredibly easy to feel insecure even as an adult. Think back to when you were 12 years old, regardless of gender or sex.
Don't you remember how even small, innocent phrases could devastate your self-confidence and mood? Now, imagine you had a disorder like this, and your mom made you hide it even when you're in your own house. No matter how many times your mom told you it's nothing to be embarrassed about and that it's okay, that would still wreak havoc on your mental state, and make you feel ashamed for having said disorder. She literally can't help it. She touches her genitals in the right ways to make the discomfort go away.
Big whoop. I'd rather she do that in front of me and not feel ashamed than her slink off to her room every couple of hours and feel like shit for the disorder she has. It's her body and she has to take care of it a certain way. It's really sad to think about how this 12 year old girl is more comfortable and confident about touching herself than most of the adults on a sex-oriented subreddit.
How is that logical? Yeah I agree with this. One's first reaction may be "uh, it masturbation--that means you do it in private--end of discussion. Everybody has an opinion, but we have to remember that our opinions are based on our own limited experience and knowledge, and in this case I don't see anyone chiming in who also has this condition, which means they don't have enough information to form an educated opinion on this subject.
I agree that for a normal person, masturbation should be done in private, no exceptions, but this person has a medical condition. This situation is not the same or equatable to those or any other situation that commenters are comparing it to. It is a condition that only people who have can understand. From the sound of it, this condition is serious enough that it affects her daily life in a negative way.
Because of this, she must have certain accommodations in order to live comfortably. The accommodation that her mother has decided on is allowing her to masturbate in the common areas of her own home, when she needs to do so.
That is not unreasonable. Perhaps having the girl take care of her needs in private when guests are visiting would be reasonable, but it sounds like OP's SO is open and comfortable enough to let her daughter masturbate in her presence. That is not wrong or unreasonable in any way.
Op doesn't seem to have a problem with the girl doing this around her. Instead she is bothered by her own feelings towards it, specifically the fact that it arouses her. I don't know what can be done to solve this, but I know that forcing the daughter to change the way she acts in her own home which may be one of the few places she feels like she can relax and be herself is not the best solution.
I'd also like to say that, if the OP was a guy, the response to this would likely be totally different. People would be shaming him, calling him a latent pedophile and saying that he should just get over it and learn to be around little girls without getting turned on.
But we all like to think we're free of prejudice I think that, after some time, OP may get used to it. If the relationship is serious and OP spends a large amount of time at her SO's house, the girls behavior may just become so routine and regular to her that she no longer views it as sexual and it ceases to be a source of arousal.
But that's a big "maybe. It's a sticky situation, though, and should be handled carefully, and no matter what, the daughter should certainly never be made aware of how OP feels. Edit: I do think that the girl should always cover herself with a blanket while masturbating in the presence of non-family members. That is certainly reasonable and does not inconvenience the girl at all, in my opinion.
Her genitals should not be visible to the OP, while masturbating or otherwise, out of politeness. When I wrote my original comment I thought she was covering up, but I missed that detail. I'm sorry. I'm glad that you didn't. I wouldn't have either. I probably shouldn't have mentioned that part, that was motivated more by my own resentment of double-standards than anything else, and wasn't relevant. I only have a problem with people suggesting the girl should have to change what she's doing to make the OP comfortable, and I think very few people would be saying that a girl should change to accommodate a man because the man isn't comfortable with her medical condition.
But I'm glad you, at least, aren't the type of person who thinks that way. While I don't think OP is a pedophile, I do think the girl should start thinking about being a little more discreet with her behavior. While not the same, I had a mental issue as a child that was a little similar.
My mom dated a guy who "helped me explore my body" much earlier than I normally would have. I ended up masturbating pretty constantly, and almost always felt the need to be touching myself. My parents also handled it wrong. They shamed me at years old so badly I ended up spending almost all my time in my room. I did hang out with them to watch movies once in a while, but when I did I brought a blanket and played with myself under it.
Looking back, my parents for sure knew, but pretended not to see. Thank you for sharing your story. I agree with you. The girl is 12, after all, and she needs to be conscious of the fact that she should be careful around anyone even OP, though she would never act on her urges, I hope , conscious that she can be taken advantage of and that her condition could make her more vulnerable to predators and, possibly, more likely to act on her feelings and make a bad decision, such as losing her virginity earlier than she would have otherwise.
If she isn't aware of all this and I would hope that her mom has already had very open and serious discussions with her regarding this , then she is in danger, either now or in the future. She should be more discreet, and should definitely never have her genitals in plain view while OP or anyone other than her mother is in the room. That goes along with having a sense of self-respect, politeness, safety, and awareness of those around you. Luckily, it sounds like this is a medical condition and not a result of abuse, but that is something only the girl could confirm or deny.
I sincerely hope that she hasn't been abused. I only disagree with the notion that she should have to leave the room to masturbate, since she can't help her condition and it's not really something she has a choice in. So many people are equating it to taking a shit in the middle of the living room floor or something similar, but it's not at all the same thing so it shouldn't be treated the same way.
There is also a lot more to it than simply masturbating. OP said she's allowed to masturbate openly at home. That's an important distinction, it's not like she's sitting in class at school masturbating.
Her mom wants her to feel comfortable with herself when she is at home rather than having to go hide every time she has to masturbate as though it is something she needs to be ashamed.
Do twelve year old boys go hide in the bathroom at home every time they need to scratch their balls? Probably not, and they shouldn't have to. This girl should not be the one who is forced to hide in her own home. If OP is uncomfortable when she masturbates OP is free to go use the bathroom to give her some privacy until she is done. Also, I don't agree that "If her body is capable of sexual behavior and she is indulging in it" is the correct line to draw.
Many girls start masturbating as toddlers. I appreciate where you are coming from, but I completely disagree. The twelve year old boy can scratch his balls discretely - hell, if he's obvious about it, almost every parent alive is going to tell him to stop being rude. If scratching said itch required him to toss himself off, he would certainly be asked to not do it in front of others. The girl doesn't even necessarily cover up, let alone try to be subtle - tee shirt and panties, jam a hand under there and go to town I never, ever said that she should be ashamed of the behavior, as I realize that there is a disorder behind it.
However, even though the disorder is physiological in origin, the fact remains that the treatment is sexual in nature. That's simply not fair to other people in the room to expect them to ignore that a twelve year old girl is masturbating next to them. What about when she's eighteen? At what point do you say "well, NOW you're too old to masturbate in front of other people"?
Scratching your balls and jerking off in the living room in front of everybody are two very different things. Even scratching balls is something I would typically not do in front of anyone other than other males. Also, there is a huge difference between teaching someone about things that you shouldn't do in front of people and things you should be ashamed of.
You don't have to be ashamed of biology, but all children need to be taught what is polite and what is rude. Farting in your bedroom? Farting at the kitchen table during dinner? Picking your nose in the bathroom by yourself? Picking your nose out in public? Likewise, masturbating in your bedroom alone? Masturbating in the living room in front of people? There doesn't have to be any shame attached. It is an issue of general manners and consideration of other people. You don't need to go as far as to make an analogy, just switch the gender.
If it was a boy that needed to masturbate all the time would it really be ok to just whip his dick off in the middle of the room and start jerking in front of mom's new girlfriend? I think this is an ill-fitting analogy and terrible advice. First, teenage boys might scratch their balls without having to retreat to the bathroom because they can do it quickly and right over their clothes, but not so with having a wank.
Secondly, guests to a home should not be forced to hide whenever the year-old decides to rub one out. That's rude to the guest and teaches the daughter many terrible lessons. There's a middle-ground where all can have their dignity, privacy, and self-respect. I think everyone keeps acting like this is normal sexual-urge related masturbation, and it's not. If it was I would totally agree that she should do it in private, because it's a choice she's making to get off.
But that isn't what it is, she needs to do this or just start just orgasming randomly and painfully. It sounds like she doesn't do it in the home when there are other guests over but the mom has deemed the girlfriend "family" enough that her daughter should feel comfortable with her - similar to people with kids letting them run around in their underwear when grandma and grandpa are over but not when other non-family guests are over.
If the girlfriend is not family enough to be comfortable with the situation, that is something she needs to address with her own actions. I'm sorry but this girl needs to learn that just because she's comfortable smashing one out in front of someone, it does not mean that they are comfortable being around her while she does so.
Its also a matter of individual idea of boundries. Some people consoder tshirt and panties not appropriate house wear even with family, some do. This is not about hiding in your own home. It's about courtesy. I would feel most comfortable just pissing into a bottle if I get the urge while watching a movie. But I don't think that would go over well with my wife now, or my mother when I was If we had a guest over, it would go over even less well. I have to pee.
It's a natural body function, and there is nothing wrong with doing it. That doesn't mean it's ok to do it in front of everyone in my home. I have had Pgad due to interstitial cystitis. It is awful. The solution to this issue is not masturbation. There are medications that can help. This is a nerve related problem. I assume this girl is under care of Uro gynocolgist and pain doctor?
If not, be aware that people with pgad have killed themselves. It is a PAIN disorder!!!!!! It is not a habit or sexual. This entire post makes me sad.
I had no idea this even existed until I read this post. I have a nervous thing too, so your words here really helped me understand this condition. That being said, now that it makes more sense to me, this poor girl certainly needs some sort of intervention.
I certainly know for a fact that if she continues to deal with this sensation in this way it will become sort of automatic and she will certainly do it in public before too long, simply because she can't help it.
There is pain and this makes it go away. Thanks for the clarity and I hope along with you that this girl learns another, more effective way, to handle this condition. This is a good call and I definitely hope the mother is actively pursuing treatment for her daughter, instead of just shrugging it away and taking the masturbation as "good enough".
There's a wealth of medications with all different mechanisms of function and plenty of potential to help actually treat the disorder, instead of having this girl stave off the symptoms for only minutes at a time.
The thought of a 12 year old having to endure this makes me want to cry. It is torture, and if this girl is not being treated, it is akin to child abuse. There is a lot of well bro science in this thread. Her treatment needs to be managed by a professional, not someone on the internet.
She is That is a huge age in terms of development, so it isn't wise to just throw drugs at something and hope it works. You also need to have an honest conversation with your GF. Her daughter is now 12, it is time she takes it to the bedroom when you are around. Be sympathetic, this sounds like a tough one on someone.
But it is natural, like pooping. I tend to not poop in front of others. I don't understand why you can't speak to her mom first and then even speak to the girl together about how there is absolutely nothing wrong with what she is doing but rather that she should be doing it when she has privacy. Point is not to shame her by any means, it's a medical thing, but I think the privacy thing should be stressed.
I'd be really uncomfortable in this situation. The child should be told by the mother to retreat to her bedroom or bathroom when the need arises. I would treat it as the same as having to use the bathroom.
Be careful contacting a professional. In some states they have to report pedophilia, even if this isn't really pedophilia it could be construed that way. Therapists are required to report cases of specific, ongoing or imminent i. Interpreting "it arouses me and is distracting" as "imminent" wouldn't be correct. Of course, OP, better safe than sorry - pick a sex positive therapist, they will be well educated about this kind of situation.
An ignorant therapist could simply over react to the situation. Does OP even need to state it's an issue because it turns her on? Why not just bring up that it makes her uncomfortable and the daughter is at an age now where she should be aware this isn't something she should do around other people, even at home.
I took that to be that OP had some not unusual, afaik feelings they might want to check in with a therapist about. They're probably more aware of what this is really about. Or, instead of the girl having to hide in her own home as she certainly already has to do everywhere else OP can simply leave the room when she needs to masturbate.
Why are we putting the responsibility to make this grown woman not get aroused on a 12 year old girl who has an already difficult to live with physical issue?
Certainly she can find a way to discretely give the daughter some privacy when she masturbates. She can leave and go to the bathroom or go to the kitchen to get something or whatever she needs to do to take herself out the situation. Yes, it's a sexual act to an adult but it's not to the daughter, a child, and she shouldn't be made to feel ashamed of her need to scratch this itch in her own home.
Though, I suppose everything you said still applies. Even if I didn't quite agree with it, my disagreement is not gender based either.
I didn't notice the genders and I agree it's not a gender issue. I still feel like it should be the adult who is being aroused who takes responsibility for her arousal rather than putting the responsibility on the 12 year old to stop arousing her. I think the issue is that masturbation is a private thing, and the daughter should be taught that. I am pro masturbation, however my children cannot just walk around or sit around and masturbate all over the house, while expecting others to walk away and leave.
If they want to masturbate, they need to find somewhere private to do it. It's not about it being shameful-. I have the urge to poop- that doesn't mean it's ok for me to just grab a bucket and poop right there while we are having family night in front of the tv. I walk to the bathroom, take care of my business and move on.
I haven't learned that having to poop is a shameful thing. There is nothing wrong with learning boundaries and setting them, especially in your own home. My daughter is 11 and has developmental issues, and we had some innocent exploration happen. I gave her the talk and simply asked her counselors to reinforce it, and suddenly CPS was called and I was informed that my little girl could be charged with a felony!! Thankfully it seems it will end up ok, as the interviews went well.
You never know who will report her for sexual conduct simply because they don't understand. Also, she does need to have this condition treated so she can function in society. Tell your GF this so you can keep her daughter safe. Then you don't have to mention how it makes you feel personally.
Keep it about the girl's well being, which is honestly the most important aspect. I don't think getting turned on from it is necessarily a problem Given its the act of masturbatory that's turning you on, as oppose to specifically the girl I'm gonna disagree with everyone that it's normal to be aroused by a child masturbating.
If an old person started masturbating around me I wouldn't become aroused just because "masturbation. I'd be disgusted. If someone you find unattractive starts masturbating the usual response is "ew" not "hot". At least you recognize it's wrong and won't act on anything though. The kid needs serious medical help yesterday, and they need to be told that it's okay for them to masturbate but that they need to do so privately in their room or bathroom.
This situation is really weird because it's not a child that has an inappropriate behaviour and should stop. Masturbating in front of nonconsenting parties is, in fact, inappropriate behavior no matter how you want to spin it. It's even a sex crime in many jurisdictions. The problem with that reasoning is that she has a medical condition that causes it.
Her actions are not sexually motivated, they're a relief of extreme discomfort. Like scratching athlete's foot that can never go away, and is so bad that you literally can't walk without having scratched it in the last twenty minutes. With the frequency that has been described, the daughter would likely spend hours inside her room to avoid embarrassing someone else.
A child of that age is going to view this as a punishment, and you cannot punish a child for something that is not their fault. Let me reiterate, she has a medical condition that causes her extreme discomfort, and the only way to relieve that discomfort is for her to masturbate. There is nothing sexual about her actions, despite them involving sexual organs. Just like there is nothing sexual about tampons, despite involving sexual organs.
Edit: guys, the tampon comparison is an arbitrary example for anything involving genitalia that is not sexual. It could be urinating, adjusting your underwear, or washing yourself.
I'm sure most of us have done at least one of those things in the close proximity of others without it being seen as sexual.
That was my point. Even on heavy flow days, when you have to change them every 30 minutes. It's not sexual and not something we can control, but that doesn't mean it's ok to just whip down our pants in the middle of family movie night and swap out our tampons. It might not be sexual to her but she needs to learn that this type of behavior is very specifically associated with sex for other people.
She isn't going to be able to scratch this itch openly in the office once she starts working. If she has kids one day, she is not going to be able to do this in front of them either. She definitely should not be made to feel shame for this, but she does need to learn appropriate boundaries.
She needs to learn that her actions have effects on other people. A better comparison than the tampon thing would be someone with a prostate condition that causes them to have to urinate very frequently.
They still have to go to the restroom. It's not acceptable to drop your pants and piss in the living room. Now in both cases, and accident might happen. Someone might piss their pants and she might slip up and not even realize she is touching herself. In that situation there is no need for shame, but it would be totally acceptable and appropriate to interrupt her and politely ask her to go to a private room. Just because a child views something as punishment, that doesn't mean it is and doesn't mean it should be viewed as such.
Many children view the simple act of being told no as a punishment. That doesn't mean it should ever dictate an adult enforcing a rule. I agree she should have a measure of freedom with regard to alleviating her discomfort. But her mother should also be teaching her to discern if it is appropriate in that particular location at that particular time.
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